Last week I spent several days exploring Salt Lake City, Utah. The trip was straightforward and the vibe was laid back – until my brother-in-law and I drove by this billboard and I was left in a catatonic state of bewilderment. Maybe I’m missing a crucial SLC cultural reference or something, but I think the purpose of this advertising gem is to inform grown adults that they should get contracts in writing. Please correct me if I’m wrong.
Photo by my lovely and very patient bro-in-law, Derron Willison.
I live in Las Vegas, where you can’t drive down the I-15 without spotting at least six billboards featuring artificially busty swimsuit models promoting strip clubs, three billboards advertising shooting ranges equipped with machine guns, two for medical marijuana, and the random billboard that has something to do with cheating spouses and injured genitalia. For me, these aggressive advertising tactics form a soothing cocoon of cheap motel mattress comfort and prophylactic protection. The messages may be R-rated, but it’s home.
Anyway, back to the contract billboard — it got me thinking. Maybe there really are adults out there who don’t know that they should get contracts in writing. Maybe they’ll see this partially-obscured billboard as they careen down the streets of Salt Lake City on their haphazard journeys to enter into gentlemen’s agreements over the custody of their children, and they’ll brake suddenly and shout “Eureka! There really IS a better way!”, and lives change exponentially for the better.
My presumptuous nature isn’t limited to the realm of large scale highway advertising, mind you. I often assume that massage therapists and other assorted spa and salon professionals know a lot of things, only to find out later that I couldn’t have been more wrong. Here are some examples of things I thought were obvious to everyone, but clearly aren’t (based on observations made since entering the massage field a decade ago):
- Double dipping your dirty hands into a jar of product that’s used on multiple clients is NOT okay.
- Double dipping used wax sticks into hair removal wax that’s used on multiple clients is NOT okay.
- Reusing porous, disposable items (nail files, foot files, buffers, sponges, natural bristle brushes, etc.) on multiple clients is NOT okay.
- Flipping or stacking sheets so your next client has “clean” linens to come into contact with during her service is NOT okay.
- Using essential oils on your own open wounds that may come into contact with a client (in place of a proper non-porous bandage) is NOT okay.
- Touching a client’s open wounds or scabs during a massage is NOT okay.
- If you handle your oil bottle throughout your massages, not cleaning it off between clients is NOT okay.
- Dropping implements on the ground and using them on a client without properly disinfecting them first is NOT okay.
- Interrupting a hands-on, paid-for massage to perform energy work that was not requested or expected is NOT okay.
- Talking to a client as if you’re a nurse/chiropractor/mental health counselor/spiritual guru/witch doctor when you do not have these qualifications is NOT okay.
- Taking a smoke break will mean you’ll smell like smoke for your next client, even if you can’t smell it. This is NOT okay.
- Using bathroom spray instead of a professional disinfectant solution to clean reusable implements is NOT okay.
- Texting while performing a service is NOT okay.
- Reading The Young Thumbs while performing a service is…NOT…okay.
Please add your own obvious tips to the comments below, and keep an eye on those billboards.
